Gum
by Fuusaki
Summary: Katsura gets gum into his hair. Yes, strawberry flavoured gum. A oneshot on how his friends got it out. Crackfic.


**Gum**

**Anime**: Gintama

**Major Pairings**: J-J-J-J-Joushishi fic spamming…

**Summary**: Katsura gets gum into his hair. Yes, strawberry flavoured gum. A oneshot on how his friends got it out. Crackfic.

**Disclaimer**: *this should have happened in the manga anyway*

Both of Katsura's arms were sore. His eyes were sore. His back was sore. And his bum was sore from sitting on it for the past three hours on the hard, cold floor in front of the mirror. He winced as he reached up and pulled for the millionth time that night and felt as though someone had set his scalp on fire and quickly let go, slumping to the ground in defeat. His eyes pricked with tears from pain, but mostly about how everyone else in the temple school was going to react when they saw his ridiculous image the next day and choked back a sob. No, he had to do it, no matter what it took.

He was about to start pulling again when there were footsteps in the corridor. As quickly and quietly as he could, he snuffed out the candle, plunging the room into darkness and held his breath as Gintoki and Takasugi's voice floated down the corridor.

"Zura! Oh, Zuuuuu-raaaa~"

"Stop that, Gintoki. That tone makes me want to punch you."

"Whatever. Oi, Zura! Where are you? Haven't seen you all evening, where've you gone off to?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" Katsura found himself saying and mentally slapped himself for being so stupid. But he really just couldn't sit back and let his named be abused…

The door slid open and his friends' faces appeared at the door, holding a lamp. "Oi, Zura. What are you doing in here? It's so dark."

"Meditating."

"I thought you were afraid of the dark," Takasugi pointed out.

"I'm not afraid! I'm meditating!"

"Aw, come on out! Shouyou sensei's just come back from a long journey, everyone's there to see him except you!"

"Erm, tell him I'll be there shortly!" Katsura said, panicking more than he was previously. If Shouyou sensei saw him in his state… well, he really didn't want to think about it. "Just… just go!" he squeaked in an unnaturally high pitched voice. Gintoki snickered.

"Hey, Zura, you sound like a girl when you said that."

"As expected, Gintoki. It matches his hair perfectly."

It wouldn't be soon, Katsura thought miserably, if he didn't solve his problem soon. Gintoki sighed loudly.

"Oi, Zura, if you're not coming out, we're coming in. So hide whatever dirty little secret you have hidden in there and come out, or we're coming to drag you out. One…"

White stars began to swim in front of Katsura's eyes as he reached up and pulled…

"Two…"

It felt like someone was ripping off his skin, only that he was the one who'd laid this misfortune upon himself. He gritted his teeth and tensed his muscles…

"Three! We're coming in, Zura!"

No! He couldn't do it! A cry escaped from his lips as he rolled over onto his chest, grabbed the nearest blanket he could find in the dark and threw it over his head right at the last moment as Gintoki's lamp swept across the room and landed on him.

"Hey, Zura, you okay?"

"Zura ja nai, Katsura da," came the muffled reply. Takasugi snorted impatiently.

"Bah, this is getting us nowhere. Help me, Gintoki."

And Katsura felt like all his pride was being stripped off as both Gintoki and Takasugi reached down and pulled the blanket from Katsura's trembling hands.

**[What Gintoki and Takasugi Saw]**

_Katsura, cheeks flushed with red, face wet, stained with tears, sitting on his right leg in an awkward position. His shirt had slipped halfway down his shoulder and the rest of his body was in a mess. However, it was his hair that both of them stared at. It was no longer smooth, shiny and silky; it was now completely jumbled up, and there was something pink tangled within the black untidiness.  
The scene was somewhat comical, but none of them laughed. The silence was somewhat crushing._

"Zura. Is that gum in your hair?"

"Zura ja nai, Katsura da."

**~X~**

The room was now in normally brightness, bathed from the extra lamps that Takasugi and Gintoki had brought along with them in order to untangle Katsura from his girly mess. It had taken the both of them all their strength to drag Katsura out from his emo corner and set him back in front of the mirror and work out what to do with the pink bubblegum.

"We should just cut it off," Takasugi had suggested as their first priority. But Katsura wouldn't hear of it.

"No! There has to be a way to do this without cutting it short!"

Takasugi rolled his eyes. "Come on, Zura, be practical. You look like a girl with that hairstyle anyway."

"It's part of me! I'm not cutting it!"

"Let's try to _melt_ it," Gintoki had suggested next. "You know, put his head into a tub full of hot water and melt the gum."

"It's not going to work!" Katsura protested angrily. "Besides, you're going to burn my scalp right off! It's not healthy!"

"Well, there isn't really much we can do…"

But then Katsura gave them both such a sad, lost-puppy look that they couldn't just turn away from. So the both of them sat down and began trying to untangle the hair from the bubblegum.

"Say, Katsura, how on earth did bubblegum get into your hair in the first place?"

"It was a prank! They stuck it into my hair when I was sleeping!"

"And you've been stuck in here all evening, trying to get a piece of gum out of your hair?" Gintoki snorted incredulously. "You're out of your mind, Zura."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura. Ow! Keep that gentle, Gintoki!"

"That was Takasugi, not me!"

"Wait, what? Gintoki, you lying b—"

"Arhh! You're doing it again! Just be careful, both of you!"

Gintoki separated his fingers from Katsura's messy locks. "Eww, my fingers smell like some sort of exotic shampoo that probably came from Africa," he complained loudly. Takasugi quickly withdrew his hands from Katsura's hair and sniffed it soundly.

"Geez, you're right! I think I can smell—"

"Shut up!" Katsura growled, face redder than before. Both Gintoki and Takasugi smirked a little and returned to trying sort out Katsura's hair, while making snide remarks at the same time.

"Whoa, I can smell mango in this!"

"Mmm, this reminds me of avocado!"

"Chocolate… yeah, definitely chocolate. Delicious!"

"I can smell… Manuka Honey! Yes, that's right!"

"Ohh, I can sense strawberries! Oooh, yes, strawberries!"

"You idiot, that's the bubblegum!"

"…Ooops."

But after another half an hour of fruitless work, all three of them had sore backs and bums and were in no mood to continue getting rid of the bubblegum that was still stuck in Katsura's hair, pink and smiling at them as though taunting their uselessness.

"I'm in trouble now!" Katsura wailed, clawing at the skin beneath his eyes so that he looked like a madman in the mirror. "I can't go out like this! Everyone will laugh at me! I'll be called 'bubblegum Zura' from now on!"

"Looks like cutting it is the only way now," Takasugi grunted, taking out a pair of scissors. Katsura shrank away in terror.

"No! Not the scissors! No good is going to come out of scissors, especially when it's in your hands! Takasugi! Put that down _now!_"

"Hey, calm down, Zura. That was ages ago," Gintoki reassured him, referring to an incident six months ago that involved a pair of scissors, running around, snow, ice and Takasugi's left eye. "We're all six months older than we were, we're grown up! See?"

"Six months is nothing! You're going to make a mess out of this, I know you will!"

"We'll only take off a little at a time, all right?" Takasugi said in a soothing voice, grabbing a bunch of Katsura's hair. "We promise. You'll hardly know the difference when we're done."

"But—"

"Come on, Zura, trust us, just this once."

"What happened the last time I entrusted you two with scissors?"

"Ah, well, that's all in the past now," Gintoki said sheepishly, scratching his head in guilt. "Nothing will go wrong this time though. Really."

"Enough," Takasugi said before Katsura could argue back. "Gintoki, will you please hold Katsura down? I'm going to cut that bubblegum out of his hair now."

"No, Gintoki! Stop!" Katsura shouted as Gintoki grabbed his arms from behind and pinned it against his sides and locked his legs together with his own. "Sorry, Zura, but you're not making any sense," Gintoki said as Katsura struggled against his iron grip.

"Hey, stop struggling, Zura." Takasugi lowered his face in front of Katsura's and stared into his eyes with his one good eye. "We don't want any accidents happening this time with the scissors, do we?"

"You…" Katsura stopped struggling, but otherwise glared at the others' reflections in the mirror. "You're all going to screw this up, I know," he declared as he felt Takasugi taking the pink lump in his hair. Gintoki chuckled.

"Just hurry up, Takasugi."

_Snip!_ The sound was crisp and sharp in the room and Katsura felt as though a great weight had lifted from his shoulders (metaphorically, because it should have been his hair). He let out a sigh of relief and relaxed for the first time that night. But Gintoki had him still in a death tight grip. He struggled a bit.

"Oi, Gintoki, you can let go of Zura now. I've got the gum out."

"Do me a favour, Takasugi."

"Ehh?"

"I was thinking, you know? That Zura's bangs are somewhat too long. They cover his eyes. I'm worried that his eyesight will go bad if he continues to view the world through that thick, black curtain of his. Shall we give him a hand?"

Katsura could see Takasugi's insane grin as what Gintoki was saying sunk in. "Hey," he said nervously as Takasugi picked up the scissors again, "What are you doing? You're not really going to do that, are you? Oi… Takasugi! Get that away from my bangs! Hey! TAKASUGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

**~X~**

When Shouyou-sensei opened the door a few minutes later, he never expected to see what he did see. Black hair littered all over the floor, a defaced mirror, a basin of water and three boys collapsed against each other, panting, bearing scratches and bruises on their faces, arms and legs. Gintoki looked up and a sheepish smile flitted across his face.

"Uh, welcome back, sensei…"

**Author's Note**

PFufufufufufufuttt. I reckon that I wasn't putting enough pressure on Katsura or his hair. So I decided to do it asdfasdfase;;;ksagaasfg.

Anyway, who thinks that the story of the scissors and Takasugi would make a great piece of fiction? 8D

Please review and tell me what you think! To whoever **Ale** is, if they're reading this, thanks for all your reviews, I love them so much! But since you reviewed anonymously, this is the only way I can get a message across… 8D (sorry for making this public!)


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